I can tell you put a lot of cool ideas and world-building into it. The sci-fi and cybernetic stuff definitely caught my attention. The laconic dialogue made it stand out as well.
That said, I gotta be honest, I had a bit of trouble following some parts. On the first read-through, the story felt kind of jumbled for me and it was a little hard to stay grounded in what was going on. I think if you tightened up the pacing a bit and connected more of the dots, it would help the story gel.
Overall, I liked the vibe you created and I’m sure with some tweaks it’ll really come together. Looking forward to seeing what you do next!
Honestly read this and feel more confused at the end of the story than I was at the beginning. The concept of a hacker battle is cool but the way this was written I am thoroughly confused about what happened in the story, how its relevant to theme, and what was the point of the battle that took place. I would rework this hard and make things nuch clearer so the reader doesn't finish and think, "huh!" What did i just read about.
Thanks for the feedback! I figured a lot of stories in this jam were going to use the theme in similar ways so I tried to use a really obscure example- maybe too obscure. I definitely want to back and do a revision edition!
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I can tell you put a lot of cool ideas and world-building into it. The sci-fi and cybernetic stuff definitely caught my attention. The laconic dialogue made it stand out as well.
That said, I gotta be honest, I had a bit of trouble following some parts. On the first read-through, the story felt kind of jumbled for me and it was a little hard to stay grounded in what was going on. I think if you tightened up the pacing a bit and connected more of the dots, it would help the story gel.
Overall, I liked the vibe you created and I’m sure with some tweaks it’ll really come together. Looking forward to seeing what you do next!
Honestly read this and feel more confused at the end of the story than I was at the beginning. The concept of a hacker battle is cool but the way this was written I am thoroughly confused about what happened in the story, how its relevant to theme, and what was the point of the battle that took place. I would rework this hard and make things nuch clearer so the reader doesn't finish and think, "huh!" What did i just read about.
Thanks for the feedback! I figured a lot of stories in this jam were going to use the theme in similar ways so I tried to use a really obscure example- maybe too obscure. I definitely want to back and do a revision edition!